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My Stubborn Habit

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I wanted to take a few minutes to write about what I ate yesterday.  I have struggled with my weight and body image on and off for much of my life, and I’d like this to change.  Writing may help.
I visited my parents this weekend so I woke up to my mom’s banana bread–yum.  It has chocolate chips in it, and usually I put a few more on top before microwaving.  Yesterday, I didn’t.  The bread was really good in itself. I also had a glass of milk.
I didn’t munch on anything during the drive home. There are times when I do. I didn’t have anything in the car i especially wanted to eat, and I didn’t feel like getting anything on the road. I was driving home earlier than usual, so I wasn’t hungry yet (when I drive home later, I typically want to buy lunch or snacks for the drive home).
When I got home, i wanted something small before going to church.  I grabbed a mozzarella stick–what we used to call string cheese when I was growing up. I knew I wanted something savory to tide me over–and it worked.
I was pretty hungry after church, and my husband and I went to Chipotle where I got hard shelled bean and rice tacos with some cheese, tomato and lettuce. I think this is the healthiest meal I eat out.
I was full for hours, but i kept craving sugar or chocolate or both–I couldn’t tell for sure. I wasn’t hungry, though, so I held off, took a nap and walked the dogs.  When I got back I asked my husband what time he wanted to eat dinner and when he didn’t say “let’s eat now” or even “let’s eat soon,” I decided to have a snack.  I had made chocolate chip zucchini muffins, which I feel good about eating for a snack, and so that’s what i grabbed.  It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good.  I was full again and my sweet tooth was satisfied. That was about 4 hours after lunch, and I’d say I was craving the sugar for maybe 3 hours after lunch. this is something i experience often-though not always–wanting something sweet after a meal.
then, i ate dinner an hour or so after that. I didn’t feel like my usual dessert right away. I knew i was going out to a 12-step meeting and sometimes I want to have a snack before the meeting. i think that i do it to calm any anxiety I have or frustration at not really wanting to go out but wanting to be at the meeting. i told myself i could eat my dessert when I got home.
When I got home, I didn’t ask myself whether I still wanted my snack. I had put it off longer than usual, and eating this snack is what i do.  it is my habit. So I made it and ate it.  It was good.
I went to bed about 45 minutes after that.
This morning, I thought, “I wonder how I’d feel today if I didn’t have that snack.” Would I feel deprived? Would I be happy I hadn’t eaten it? Would I feel both these things? It’s likely.
So I decided to write about it, and see if it helps me draw any conclusions. I’d love to have more peace about it.


  1. Great post! So many people have these same struggles! The more you eat good, the more you will want good food! I wrote an article to day on the basics of nutrition, check it out here

  2. Thank you Anne Nicole! I have that experience of eating well and wanting to continue. Thanks for the reminder, and I’ll go check out your article. –Jaye

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