This was my first week as a retiree! It was about ½ normal and ½ weird.
What I mean by normal is that it felt like the first week of summer break has felt these years I’ve had summers off. I started getting back into getting to the gym regularly, I was able to sleep in and take my dog for long walks, I started cleaning the house, and I still had time to laze around, listen to podcasts and play my phone games.
(Yellow Peony)
Something that was a little different is that I had much more energy this week than I have during the first week of past summer breaks. I usually not only sleep late, but also take 1-2 naps a day. I am usually so, so exhausted.
This year, I think I started slowing down in terms of schoolwork earlier than usual. I was finding it harder and harder to get my schoolwork done the later the semester got. I started doing the minimum just to get through. That never feels good because I could give students so much more if I had the energy—I could give them more feedback, I could do a better job of planning classes, etc. Since I started slowing down earlier, I think I had more rest before summer break even started. Maybe this is one reason I’m not napping all day.
Also, I think I have this energy because I am retired. I’m paying attention to how I feel because I know this year is different. I know I don’t have to go back to school in the fall. I also know I don’t get to go back to school in the fall. This is where things are feeling weird.
(Pink Peonies at my house)
I’ve had a few moments where I have realized I am no longer part of the group of full time teachers at my college. One was when I realized I didn’t have keys to get into the room where the knitting group will meet over the summer. I went back to my college to knit on Wednesday of this week. Another time was when the knitters were talking about the latest union contract. The union negotiated a substantial raise, which I was first jealous of, but after letting go of that emotion, I just got this glimpse that I am no longer part of that group. I love feeling “part of”, so it’s a little challenging to realize this.
The word “untethered” has come to me a few times too. I am feeling a bit “floaty.” I am feeling unsure about what I am going to do in the fall. I have some plans, and it’s a long ways away—at least 12 weeks—but I guess it’s a mental state.
(Roses at my house)
The other “weird” part of this week has been people congratulating me. It feels strange to be congratulated for retiring. It’s nice—I especially appreciate that people are acknowledging the event–but it’s just kind of like “yay, you quit your job.” Like, lots of people quit their jobs.
I know it’s also more than that. People are congratulating me for the work I put into planning to retire. Those who said “congrats” on my final day know how long I’ve been working towards retirement. I’ve done a lot to ensure I can live on what I’ll receive in retirement, and people know how much I’ve wanted to do this.
Perhaps they are also congratulating me on the work I’ve achieved over the years; I’m not sure. This is what I think it’s most important for me to congratulate myself on—the work I’ve put into teaching and the results I’ve achieved, for myself and my students.
This morning I started to realize that it is taking courage for me to retire.
It’s scary. I am unsure about what I’ll do in the fall, though I’m excited about the prospects. I’m a bit nervous about how the new insurance will work and what it’ll be like having less income. I think I am also nervous about the issues going on in the world / in the US now. That uneasiness is something I’d feel whether I were retired or not. Actually, being retired gives me some more space to determine what I want to do about what is going on in the US. That doesn’t make the thoughts or feelings easy though.
I’ve set up some plans with friends next week and even the week after! That is something I also don’t often do at the beginning of summer. I usually hide away in my house. I’ll have plenty of hide-away time, but I am feeling the need to maintain and develop connections. I think I’m going to need the support, and it’ll just be fun to see people when, during the semester, I don’t feel like I have time or energy to socialize.
Peace Out (and In),
Julie
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