Wow, it is finally here! I have just 1 semester left before I retire. I’d kind of hitting me in a way that the other mile-markers haven’t before.
My current state—I am excited and nervous. I’m currently excited to be done with full-time work at my college. I’m not necessarily excited to get started. I hope to be excited for teaching by the time classes start, which is just a few days away.
I have a much longer list of what I am nervous about. One aspect that has been stuck in my head recently is telling my parents. When I told my younger brother about being nervous about telling our parents, he said, “Julie, you’re 50!” It is true. I am 50 years-old and my parents’ mindset or at least my perception of my parents’ mindset is stressing me out.
Before the fall semester began, I told my parents I am eligible to retire at the end of the school year. I was so nervous about telling them that I am not sure exactly what my dad said, but my perception is that he’s thinking, “why would you want to do that?” “You like your college don’t you?” “It’s been good for you.” “What are you going to do? I’d be bored.”
In short, I am assuming my parents won’t understand why I am retiring, and that they’ll think it’s a bad idea.
I also grew up in the Midwest and hard work is basically gospel here. Whether or not you are a good, moral person depends on whether you work hard. Hard work means getting to work early, doing what your boss says, and not taking breaks or sick time. It’s basically a recipe for burn out. Though I have grown to think about work very differently than when I was a kid, I still attribute those ideas to people I grew up with and around.
Another reason my parents may not really understand my desire to leave my college is that I haven’t always been upfront about how frustrated I’ve been at work. When I have confided in them in the past, I’ve got messages like, “Well no one likes their job all the time” or “Overall, it’s been ok. Hasn’t it?” When I get any push back from my parents about my decisions, I typically shut down and avoid the topic or just stick with surface information. When wanting to talk about work, I’ve sought out friends and mentors who have similar perspectives as I do, so my parents don’t know a whole lot about my complaints.
So, I have told my parents I could retire, and I think my mom even knows I want to retire, but I am not sure it sunk in. I think I’ll feel better when I talk to them about it again, hopefully soon.
I was also worrying a bit about what it’ll be like to tell people at work that I am leaving. I think people will be surprised since I have been there so long and since I am really dedicated to teaching. Just one colleague already knows I want to leave this year. Last year, we were in a conversation about how I’d like to possibly start a high school program at Prairie School (the K-8 school I’ve been volunteering at for a few years) and my college basically said I should do that when I retire. I let him know that that was my plan and that I could retire much sooner than people may realize.
I have not told any other colleagues nor my division Chair that I plan on leaving. I had been waiting to make absolute sure that I am going to leave—but also I anticipate that when I tell people, there’ll be a period of saying goodbye. If I tell people months and months early, I imagine it’d be like when you’re at a party and you think you’re leaving and you say bye to everyone and then the person you are leaving with has to say goodbye to everyone so you’re standing around for a while and people say bye again. It’s pretty annoying when that happens, and I really don’t want to say goodbye to people twice.
I also want to tell certain people in person. I have a 20+ year relationship with quite a few people at my college and I’d like to respect that relationship by telling them in person. I’m actually excited to talk with some colleagues about my plan. I’m just not sure about when I want to do that.
I think another worry I won’t go into depth about right now is just my worry about missing my job. Really, having pangs of missing the positives of my job is not a bad thing. It’ll remind me of those positives.
This past week was planning week. Students come back to school on Monday. Not surprisingly, when I was actually working on planning, and engaged in my work, I didn’t worry at all. It’s funny how being in the present does that.
Peace Out (and In),
Julie
(Photos from University of Illinois Idea Garden, November 2024)
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